The Taylor clan, now extended to include cousin Robbie, went 0 for 4 in the opening week of DFL action this year. Zero. For four.

Newcomer Robbie, not yet familiar with the role of family humiliation he's supposed to play, was the highest scoring Taylor, scoring a respectable 53, in the top half of the league point scorers. Will his allegiance to adopted home town Baltimore, apparently resurging with the addition of Mcnair and the return of Lewis, help keep him competitive in the coming weeks? Or will the blood he shares with Sandy, CJ, and Andrew keep him on the low road?

The next highest Taylor was Andrew with a weak 41 points. (The Opus holds that 45 points is the minimum score to be considered not weak.) Andrew's smack talk this week is "Let's go, random team!" Is he making a reference to the draft or to how he manages his starting line up each weak? I mean, week. It's one thing to autodraft Betts and Duckett behind Portis, but it's an entirely different thing, a Taylor family management thing, to bench Portis and keep the highest scoring running back on the bench. Still, try as he might, Andrew failed to fail as well as his older siblings.

What could CJ do? His number one overall draft choice, and number one draft choice across all of Yahoo, Shaun Alexander, was shut down. If Alexander scores as many fantasy points as second round pick Ahman Green, Seige can post a not weak score. But hold on a minute. Flukes are one thing, but could a shrug at Shaun Alexander's off week actually mask some Taylor style management? A closer examination shows that CJ has two running backs on his bench on the PUP list of their respective teams. Opus investigative reporters have uncovered a post in the forum dated 9/5 that shows CJ was aware of at least Holmes's condition a full five days before Week 1. And the Yahoo interface let's one see what the red NA next to a player's name is all about. What's CJ doing using two bench spaces for running backs who are backups when they are healthy but are currently, by NFL rules, not even allowed to practice until after Week 6? Holding up the family honor, that's what.

Sandy. Have you been practicing against a fantasy football simulator? You're in mid-season form already!

As usual, Elder Brother sets the fool's gold standard for the Taylors. It takes some talent to drop a matchup against a team that scores only 35 points. First, you have to "hide in plain sight" by drafting one of those quarterbacks everyone thinks should be good but is capable of some top notch let downs. There are a few to choose from, including Aaron Brooks, Chad Pennington*, and Jake Plummer, but their king is Daunte. Until the second test was administered, the NFL chose not to release Culpepper's Wonderlic score. Why? To save the embarrassment. Of showing that Culpepper scored higher than Sandy.

But that wasn't enough. Sandy had the personnel to beat a 35. There was some "Genius" management going on. With all the hype about Ben Watson, why was Daniel Graham starting at tight end instead of Dallas Clark, who scored more touchdowns in 2005 and is now the main tight end in the high powered Indianapolis offense? Because starting Dallas Clark risked a mark in the win column. Indeed, starting Clark instead of Graham gives Sandy a 37-35 win over Bob.

Sandy leads the Taylors to tap the barrel of Scotch in the basement ... of the DFL.

The Long Struggle Begins

The average score this week was 49 points. In Week 4 of 2004, the average of 48 points was reported as "abominable."

In Week 1 of that year, the average was 61 points, and three players were over 80 points. In Week 3 of last year, Sandy (Sandy!) scored 82 points (in a losing effort), CJ 95, and Curt 103. Week 1 this year: no player even reached the 75 point threshold.

I'm not sure, but it's possible that Bob's win with 35 is the lowest winning score in the history of the DFL. Also, again I'm not sure, but I think 18 ties for the lowest DFL score of all time.

The DFL, expanding to 14 teams, is spreading the talent thinner than it ever has before. Not only that, the NFL is spreading the ball around to more running backs as more teams go with two primary ball carriers. Teams who opted for the committee approach in Week 1, with the second running back getting at least half as many touches as the first running back, included the Bears, Broncos, Colts, Patriots, Jets, Titans, Saints, and Redskins. (Presumably, the Redskins won't keep this approach for long.)

But then again, maybe it's just an off fantasy week. There were three shutouts in the NFL this week. Four of the fourteen starting DFL quarterbacks did not post positive scores, and only two scored in double digits. Shaun Alexander scored 0 points.

Is this week an anomaly? Or are we in for a long season in which fantasy points are hard to come by?

Monday Night Nailbiters

There are reasons to dislike fantasy football: undermining of longstanding fan loyalties, second guessing oneself, distracting thoughts about nearby Internet connections while trying to enjoy the games on Sunday, wishing ill on innocent football players, and getting sucked into the letdown of reading The Opus.

But there are, of course, reasons to like fantasy football, like second guessing other managers, especially on Tuesday. (Daniel Graham?! C'mon!) Among the tops for me is the Monday afternoon "how could Monday Night Football change the winners and losers this week" game.

I played with myself on Monday.

I also thought about how the Monday night games would affect the nascent DFL season.

With two Monday night games, more than half the DFL matchups this week were, at least technically, undecided on Monday afternoon. Here's a rundown.

• New Potatoes at Thunderfleas: Ladainian Tomlinson to score 10 to tie, 11 to win for the New Potatoes. Result: Tomlinson scored ten fantasy points in the Chargers' first drive and an eleventh point before half time. 'Fleas lose.
• Scottish Claymores at HR Puffnstuff: Mewelde Moore to return a kickoff for touchdown while Randy Moss complains to ESPN the Magazine about Aaron Brooks inaccuracy. Moore to score 9 more than Moss to win for Claymores. Result: Taylor loss.
• Papaya Kings at Trump United: Santana Moss, Antonio Gates, and Ladell Betts to score a combined 41 points to set a new DFL Monday Night Comeback record. Result: Taylor loss.
• The Small Beverages at The Genius: San Diego passing game to score more than -3 to start the 2006 Sandy Embarrassment season. Result: Taylor loss.
• SteelWarriors at Colin's Crushers: Brad Johnson to score 22 more than Chester Taylor to prevent a Taylor opening week 0-fer. Result: Taylor opening week 0-fer.

The Small, Small Beverages

The Small Beverages scored only 35 points and still chalked up a win against the hapless Sandy.

Be not proud, Bob, be not proud.

Bad Starts

Sometimes a bad choice of starting line up is only bad in retrospect. Other times, one nods and thinks, "Yeah, I should've done that differently."

Here's a list of some bad starts, with some judgment as to whether they were foreseeable or not foreseeable.

• Matt Hasselbeck against Detroit or Donovan McNabb against Houston? Thunderfleas start Hasselbeck for four points, while McNabb scores 22 on the bench. 'Fleas lose by two. Detroit and Houston both suck. Tough call. Marginally foreseeable.
• Jake Plummer against St. Louis or Chad Pennington against Tennessee? The Hombres start Plummer for a crippling minus six. Pennington lifts the Jets to victory, scores 16. This 22 point differential would more than double the Hombres' score and prevent the embarrassing 18 (and put low score of the week squarely on Sandy). Pennington has had some great games in the past, but that's like five games in three years. Plummer threw 18 touchdowns last year, won the AFC West, and lost in the AFC championship game. The Jets sucked last year and are expected to suck this year. Unforeseeable. In fact, what do you do this week: Plummer against KC or Pennington against New England? I probably go with Plummer again, though New England did make Losman look like a reasonable quarterback.
• Dallas Clark against the Giants or Daniel Graham against Buffalo? Sandy starts Graham who scores only one and loses by four points. Clark rides the pine for seven points and a missed chance at victory. But Graham gets used (even though Watson gets used more), and Buffalo may not be good, whereas the Giants generally play decent defense. Marginally foreseeable.

Ace Of Trump

John scored the second most points in Week 1 and goes 1 and 0. He's active on the waiver first thing on Monday with the cagey pick up of Travis Henry. He goes on record recommending starting Chad Pennington in Week 1 with the sage advice of one who has managed a weak roster before.

What the hell is going on here! The DFL is upside down!

Oh, wait. That would put Sandy second rather than second to last. I guess things make sense after all.

Mruz/Trump: punchline no more. Playoff contender? Time will tell.

Sleepy and Grumpy

Oy, Hombres! The nap during the autodraft screwed you a bit with Domanick Davis and some other choices, but your team is better than 18 points. I cannot recall a larger non-DEF negative score in Yahoo fantasy than Plummmer's -6 on Sunday.

Hang in there, Rich. (Sandy needs you.)

* Chad Pennington has interesting characteristic. As long as he's on the bench in the DFL, he'll throw up double digit fantasy points. If he starts in the DFL, he breaks a bone in his hand. Rich, the fate of Jets, currently 1-0, is in your hands!

Curt Loses

Always Opus worthy news.