A week before the draft last year, I realized I was screwed. I had no updated football knowledge since the Superbowl, no time to do research, had to miss the draft because I had Red Sox tickets, and probably didn't have time to pre-rank my players.

A week before the draft this year, I realized I was not screwed. I had no updated football knowledge since the Superbowl, but I had about six or eight available hours to do research and could attend the draft live.

I hit the books. I bought the SI NFL Preview. I surfed the web. I watched Sports Center. I made notes. I made spreadsheets. I re-ordered, re-ranked.

I busted out linear algebra: passer rating times passes thrown divided by teams in schedule playing the Tampa 2 plus rush yards times platooning backs divided by ACL surgeries...

This year, I would be a force to be reckoned wi... This year, I would be a force with which to be reckoned.

An hour before the draft I began my review. I tested my Yahoo draft test button, several times. Half an hour before, I donned an Addidas track suit and some sunglasses, big sunglasses, the kind that are clear on the bottom fading to dark on top. I put a hand towel around my shoulders, jogged around the block, got a sweat going. I logged in, the first into chat. I did some mouse drills: click, scroll, enter. My rankings. Yahoo rankings. My rankings. Yahoo rankings. All players. Just QBs. Just WRs. Now all players again. I was warm, loose.

I typed some cordial hellos into chat, made pleasant conversation, but let me tell you, I had my game face on.

3:00 minutes to go. Pre-draft bladder clearing. Fill a glass of water. Back to the chair. Final lumbar adjustment. Everything within reach, like the cockpit of an airplane and Neil Peart's roto toms. Final alt-tab cycle. All necessary applications open.

... 0:06 ... 0:05 ... 0:04 ...

"My year," I mouthed to myself, rocking back and forth, "This is my year."

... 0:03 ... 0:02 ... 0:01 ... showtime.

And then, it happened. Tom Brady still available for the 21st pick?! Then I'm sure he'll be around for the 35th! And now's my chance to grab a shiny, mesmerizing, former standout for Curt! Just like I drafted Muhsin Muhammad two years ago, I can grab Ahman Green now! So what if he suffered a season ending injury last year and already has a nagging injury this year. So what if Favre is no longer enough of a threat to keep defenses from keying on the run. So what if the two guards blocking for Green have only one more combined year of NFL experience than I do. So what if Green's fullback, William Henderson, is recovering from a preseason injury. So what if Green's backup in what will become a rebuilding year for Green Bay is five years younger and did well as the primary ball carrier in Green's absence last year. So what if Green runs into the best defense in the NFL twice a year, including the opening game, his first game since October 24th of last year.

All that matters is that he scored a bunch of fantasy points for Curt three years ago. That's like chicken salad made with fried chicken. It's irresistable to me.

Preparation?! I wasn't prepared at all! Tom Brady was the third best fantasy scoring quarterback last year? How could I have missed that! And I never took linear algebra! My wide receiver matrix resolved to infinity, 0, Manny Ramirez, and "cat." (I was really hoping infinity would last until the fifth round...) And adjusting my lumbar support with seconds to go before the draft?! C'mon! That crap should be taken care of the day before! And really, for the 75 minutes that we're drafting, is streaming porn a "necessary application"?

F*cking Green Bay Of Pigs.

Favorite Moments Of The Draft

• Daniel selecting Ahman Green with the 21st overall pick with the third highest 2005 fantasy scoring quarterback and personal favorite Tom Brady still available. During weeks when I don't have the time or inclination to write The Opus, I intend to post instead a page that says only: "Ahman Green."
• Rich face down in a puddle of his own drool, dreaming of triple digit fantasy weeks, while the Yahoo auto-draft selects Domanick Davis for him.
• John typing a word into chat halfway through the draft, confirming his live presence. Trump says, "You're hired!" Easily the best Mruz team to date. I predict five wins for Mr. Uz.
• Sandy announcing that his 2006 draft rule is "No Jets" and then drafting the Jets kicker two picks later. What kind of offense does he think the Jets will have that their kicker will be worth anything?
• Andrew selecting not just Ladell Betts (useful in Week 1 if Portis doesn't start, though I think Portis will) but also T.J. Duckett. Just in case?! That guy barely has the fantasy value of Ahman Green!

Favorite Moments Of The Draft Aftermath

• Rich dropping Domanick Davis after the draft and adding Stephen Davis, whom he picked up between the draft and week 1 last year.
• Ahman Green being selected in the 11th round of my other fantasy draft.
• Watching Andrew prepare for Week 8, with three running backs icing their knees in front of big screen TVs in Potomac, MD.
• Ahman Green's 1,300 yard, 15 touchdown season.